There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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