walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
