you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
