it wasn't lemon gatorade
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
