I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
