just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
