Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
