he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize