I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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