Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
