she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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