Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I love you. Go after that dick
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
