Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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