chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
