i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
