No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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