I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
