I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
