I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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