ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
