To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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