were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
