the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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