Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
