: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
