my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
it hurts more in the daytime
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
my shit smells like andre
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
