he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
