i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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