why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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