Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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