Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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