I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
