true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I still have a little drunk in my system
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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