The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
