I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
