don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize