come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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