i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
