Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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