bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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