She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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