btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
