i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
