so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
the day after is always just damage control
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
