So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he puts the penis in happiness.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
