I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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