I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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