So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Operation Purity has been aborted
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
