If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
