if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
