I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
