so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
