Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize