My balls are so social today.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
