I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
