I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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