Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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