Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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