I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
