Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
