i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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