the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
