tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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