I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
