I have demons in me.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
