There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
