Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
