Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
