I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
