party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
