you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize