We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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