im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
