Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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