i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
