can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I enjoy the company of your penis
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
