Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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