And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize